I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
