this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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