i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize