actually, I'm a sock model
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
