Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Damn victory sex feels great
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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