yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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