so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
