i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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