DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
