My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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