Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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