i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
