Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
