She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize