yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
