remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
