hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
