I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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