i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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