How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
