An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
