Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
