i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
3pm strippers are depressing
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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