Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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