i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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