I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
