Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
