Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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