didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
His nipple licking is glorious
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