Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
