He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
