i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
