i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can Purell be used as lube?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
