Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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