Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
