She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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