Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize