This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
