she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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