someone threw a dead crab at me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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