'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
