I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
