There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize