Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
