Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i out mim tonsoeep
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
