Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
