i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
