Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
