I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
