1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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