I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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