thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
