I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
