When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
