people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
