i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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