You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
