did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
