I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
