I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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