WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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