we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
