the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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