I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
