whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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