There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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