New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
