her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
