whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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