Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
