Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
