yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
