grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
