He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
